Where do I go from here?

I just finnished watching two of the three Zeitgeist movies and I have to say that I am absolutely confused.
Not because of what I´ve seen, because, although some of the things they told are new to me, most of the things are common sense, or at least to me, but because I realize that even though they are common sense, I completely ignore these things in my day to day life.

I feel like, I´m programed to live a certain way and accept things the way they are, even though I know that it is wrong and I´m waisting my potential and that of everyone and thing arround me.
I still turn on my tv everyday and listen to the bullshit they tell, even though I know it´s bulshit.
I still look desperatly for a job, thinking that one day I will find one and be able to pay my debts, knowing it will only be to get higher debts so I will have to work for the rest of my life, and if Im lucky I will get a little bit of money at the end of my days after working like an ant in this ant colony.

Because, isnt that what we are? Merely ants in an ant colony? No we are even wors than that, because ants work for the survival of their species and their world, and we work so that a very small group of very rich people stay very rich. We are their slaves and we have no rights. They tell us we do, and make us believe we do, but we dont, and we accept that in exchange for another mortgache, another loan, another credit card...
So we can turn on our TV at the end of the day and listen to the bullshit they tell us, so they can sell us their products, and make us believe we need them.

All of this reminds me of a film I saw recently, and you are probably gonna laugh: Wall-e
Anyone who has seen Wall-e knows that humans excisted living in their big space ship, watching their monitors all day, to the point they didnt even speak to eachother if not through their computer monitors. And they were surrounded by constand immages of products they were made to believe they needed, completly oblivious of the reality of their situation. They lived in a system that controled them, told them what to ware, what to say, what to think, what to do. And when the system was shutdown, they finally looked arround to see the reality and returned to the earth to safe what was left of their planet.
We look at this film, and we laugh, thinking about how immaginative the writers of the movie are, but are they?

No they are not. They are marely copying reality. This is how we live, with our televisions turned on, sipping our cocacola, buying our so called
necessary products, going to our jobs, and going on about life, as if that is reality.

The reality is that we are being brainwashed every single day. From the moment we get up in the morning to the moment we go to sleep. Even those who wake up in the morning trying to make a change, are conditioned by that they hear, see, smell and taste every single day.

We are all conditioned. So this is where I get confused. What can I do, to change from being conditioned? I dont want to be a slave of the system, but can I brake free? Is getting away from everything and opening up my own little shop, that I stock only with products made by myself, enough to escape?
No. Because one day I will have to go to the doctor, and I will have to pay that doctor, thus so becoming again part of the system. One day I will have to get on a plain to visit my family, and I will have to buy a ticket and once more become part of the system. How do we break the system?? Dont we need money to break the system? And isnt money The System?

Now I think of all the times I´ve heard someone say: I dont wanna work for the man! And I thought; What the hell are you talking about? Who is the man? Now I know. Now I understand. And still here I stand, completely powerless. Where do I go from here?

Microphone Herpes

Ok, so I get home from the gig last night and I look in the mirror, and to my freeking surprise I´ve got a herpes on my lip! A thing which is really weird, cause when i left the house 4 hours earlier I had no such thing. And I mean, its blister and all, not a starting little itchy spot, no! The whole shebam! The only way I can explain this strange phenomenon is due to my microphone. Somebody must have given me herpes my singing into my microphone. You see, everytime I sing, I try to involve the crowd with what I´m doing, and make them sing a little or a lot. Then there are those who without asking rip the microphone out of my hand to shout something and leave me completely deaf (I wear an in ear montior, that´s why). And it is my believe that someone who used my microphone must have had herpes and I cought it. Considering the fact that my aunt Flo is visiting, it could have speeded up the process causing me to have a herpes blister on my lip right now. Anyway, this is all not cientificly prooven, but It´s the only explanation I can find.

By the way, yesterdays gig was a big poo poo. I got really nervous because at the beginning for reassons beyond my understanding, the bass guitar did not work. And then suddenly it did. But it took them 20 minutes to fix it, and by that time everybody was looking at me, and that made me start nervous and BAM: dry throat. It took me another 30 minutes to get over the dry throat, and by then I had already forced my throat so much, I could barely sing and I still had to go for another 2 hours. So a big poo poo.
And the strange thing is, nobody ever tells me It didnt sound good, even though I know it didnt. I need some perspective man. How else am I gonna grow as a singer?

Stay tuned!!

Today is not being a very good day. Just dont feel like I´m achieving anything today. Its one of those days that could have come and gone and I wouldnt have notised. Yeah, might as well could have stayed in bed. I know that in the bigger picture, at the end, every day matters, but right now I just dont see it. I really have a million things I want to do, but I never seem to get myself to do them. I even make lists of those things, as people have advised me to do, but those lists always end up in the trash. I guess I need help of some sort, but I dont think anyone can help me, really. No one I know would have the information or the resourses to help me. Well I guess I´ll have to take it day by day. Looking at the bright side, I did want to work out today, and I actually did. So there is one thing on the list I can actually cross out. Tomorro (thursday) I should really study the possiblity of setting up singing lessons here at home. Find a way to try and find students. I know I can do it if I put my mind to it, and I really need the money.

Dum dum dum dum; Will Vanessa ever become a vocal coach??? Stay tuned to find out!